Wednesday 18 April 2012

Disjointed ponderings

Wednesday 18 April 2012
I hadn't realised that so much time has passed since my last blog post. I feel like my writing is a bit rust and that the quality of this post is going to be poor but that it needs to be shared with the world regardless.

Life, in terms of weight loss and getting fit, went into stasis.

Despite my best intentions, I fell into a bout of mild depression. It was different to other episodes of depression I've had. In the past, my depression became all about me. I started to hate myself, have feelings of hopelessness, that I was useless and hopeless and things could never get better.

I think in part due to the so very obvious physical limitation of my injury, the moon boot, I adopted the victim mentality. I blamed the 12 week challenge curse, I started wondering why things happen TO me. I did everything and anything to avoid getting on with the process of getting fit while trapped in the moon boot. I distracted myself with other activities - my progress on my knitting projects and my involvement in this hobby/passion has become quite strong. I love that I have friends and acquaintances that I share interests and hobbies with and that I can surround myself with 'like people'. Too much of my life was spent [wasted?] spending time with people, I'm just so different from and often felt like an alien. The square peg in a world of round holes. I'm enjoying being 'same' instead of 'different'. It wonderful having a bestie that I trust and can talk to without feeling like she's constantly trying to one-up me.

I also realised how much I love and appreciate my man. Probably don't tell him enough or give him the attention he deserves.

The weirdest and most surprising happening that occurred during the boot phase was my changed relationship with food. As always when I have a plan, and that plan fails, I go in the opposite direction. Maybe I'm the Queen of Epic Sulks. I decided that we still needed to eat healthily (big tick) and that the best way to do that was to order in lite n easy.

It's such a big change. It's like food numbness. I don't really think about food until I'm hungry. When it's time to eat, I go to the fridge, pull out the portion-controlled food and eat it.

It's now three weeks since I stopped wearing the moon boot. I'm slowly returning to a normal life. Cooking still isn't there yet but I'm gradually becoming more motivated.

Planning is happening. I know what I want to achieve and that it's going to take time, but I'm not going to make big announcements about what I'm about to do. I'm just going to get out there, do them and then report back once it has actually happened. With the one exception to prove the rule: I will make a bucket list, and I will make that the subject of my next post.

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