Monday, 31 December 2012

Out with the Old, In with the New

Monday, 31 December 2012
2012 - you've been an interesting year. Not exactly the year I had planned.

Let's review.

Health

I had intended for 2012 to be my year of good health and fitness - that went awry in February with the broken ankle/foot and the subsequent extended recovery period. On the plus side, there haven't been any extended bouts of back pain. Also had a chest infection and most recently, the worst period cramps I've ever had in my life. My depression has been mostly under control in that I can get out of bed every day and my anxiety hasn't crippled me this year.

Instead of losing I think I've gained around 8 or 9 kilos. I'm fatter than I've ever been and I have the stretch marks to prove it. Some of those marks are as a result of some very fabulous new recipes I learned to cook, so I am trying to see them in a new light. I still hate my body, but I like who I am. Does that even make sense? Looking at the things I've done this year, I'm not lazy like I think I am, just easily distracted. I am powered by my emotions rather than logic.

Despite my previous reservations, not all convenience food is bad. Lite n easy was a saviour during the times I was incapacitated.

I learned I have the ability to inspire others to do things - the Move it May challenge was my little baby and it was humbling

Hobbies

Cooking - My interests in cooking have changed. Where it was once baking, it's now preparing meals for people I love. I learned that people actually like my food. I had several 'guestaurant functions' where people paid to eat my food. By paid, I mean contributed to the costs of the food, I never once profited from the exercises. I even had a crack a cake decorating. Easy to do, hard to master.

Gaming - I abandoned World of Warcraft and now play Lord of the Rings Online. I love the Middle Earth world, the players are generally nicer and well, it's a whole lot of fun. I build Lego. I love it.

Knitting - Just like gaming knitting is a whole lot of fun, plus the added bonus of getting to wear/use the end results. My skills have improved - I can now work with super fine lace weight yarn without freaking out.

Social

Some friendships developed, some friendships drifted apart and some consciously ended. As I become more comfortable with who 'I' am, its easier for me to accept that not everyone will like me and I won't like everyone. It's normal.

I appreciate that I have a "bestie". She rocks my world.

Relationships & Family

My relationship is wonderful. He's a great guy and [almost] three years on I still appreciate how good we are together.

The family however, there has been unnecessary drama and emotional blackmail at times, and I'm glad to leave those stressful times behind.

Work

The work year was completely and utterly mad. The election changed things up, lead to some very stressful times. A new department made somethings better, other things more difficult. Working under a conservative govt for the first time has been a learning experience. Major milestones met. Got through the year without a redundancy.

So farewell 2012, I sincerely hope I never have another year like you.

Hello 2013

2013 is going to be a crazy mega life-changing year. For example,

1. Moving to Melbourne in late July/ early August &
2. Quitting my job of 14 years. Crossing fingers for a redundancy, but not relying on it.

I want to have lost some weight before I move to Melbourne. I want to drop at least two dress sizes between now and then. This will take significant dedication and planning. This will also require my body to come to the party (NO MORE INJURIES, OKAY?) and for me to take responsibility for what goes into my mouth. I want to be fitter. The Walking to Mordor challenge will help with this. I will commute by foot to and from work as much as possible.

I will dedicate more time to planning what I eat and cooking healthy food. I'm not going to follow any specific diet apart from keeping calories to around 1400 per day. I will review this in two months time to see how I'm going. Trying and creating new recipes. I will still have cake on Tuesdays though. I will not keep cash in the office so I can't raid the chocolate machine.


I'm already planned to start the healthy eating tomorrow - the fridge is now stocked with fresh vegies and skinned chicken thigh fillets. There is fruit & yoghurt and low fat cheeses.


Mr Redpene has given me his old DSLR camera and lenses. I will learn how to photograph food properly

The hobbies will continue. The friendships will continue to grow and become stronger. This blog will continue.

I'm excited and scared.

I'm going to try and stop abusing myself too. The way I write about myself is a little bit appalling. I can't stand it when I see others treated the way I treat myself.

Finally, thank you for reading, commenting and being supportive. I really appreciate the time you take to visit my little site.

Happy new year!

3 comments:

Elspeth Thorne said...

Love, I spend so many days trying not to cry because I hate how broken and useless my body is. And have you read my blog? I certainly whine enough for three or four people on the topic there. On the other hand, I am completely confident of my innate awesomeness as a person, and I don't lack for love of myself. I just hate the house my mind lives in, some days. Most days. There's even a cliche for it - the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak.

I would say, on balance, you deal with your pain issues much better than I deal with mine.

I think you are a wonderful person, who is very generous and giving of yourself, your skills, and your time to others. You're a beautiful person, inside and out. You're one of the people I most miss, over here.

Your only major flaw (and it's one I share in spades) is a tendency to get down on yourself, and beat yourself up about things that are ... well, not useful to beat yourself up about. As a result, you eat; I end up housebound/bedbound beyond the necessary. Learning to have empathy and compassion for myself as well as other people is a skill I'm still learning. The first step was learning to frame things differently in my internal monologue: instead of "I suck", thinking "This situation sucks" or sometimes "That habit/response/pattern of action sucked/was suboptimal". This year, I'm concentrating on eliminating "I should have" and similar constructions from my thoughts - "I did" and "I will do x next time instead". Of course, me != you, and my set of troubles with anxiety and depression are probably different. Still, if you ever want to chat - and I'm awake - feel free to look me up on teh internets.

I've rambled enough for one comment, so I hope you achieve and exceed all your goals for the coming sun cycle! *hugs* xx

Snoskred said...

At my work, there is a chocolate and chips "station" and they all cost .50 cents.

I always have that small amount of money on me, so to prevent me taking the easy way out I needed to have snacks that I like handy and available.

Oh, and Maccas is a short 30 second drive away. And people keep offering to go there and buy stuff for everyone!

Some of the things I keep on hand at work - measured out and calorie counted -

- wasabi peas
- rice cracker snacks
- cereal
- nuts of various kinds
- smooze fruit ices (kept in the freezer)
- yoghurt

Some things I keep handy at home for snacks -

- avocado
- fruit
- yoghurts
- weis dessert bars
- smooze
- boiled eggs
- hommus

In the end it all comes down to choices - as you say taking responsibility for what goes in the mouth. It is all about making good choices - and when you make a bad one, saying that is ok, next time pick a good one.

Of course aiming for the bad choices to be less often than the good ones is a good idea too! ;)

I'm declaring 2013 the year of me. It is all about me and I don't care how selfish that might sound. Putting myself first - which includes all forms of my health - mental, physical, financial, etc, taking no shyte from anyone, speaking up when I feel the need instead of squashing my needs in order for other people to be "comfortable" - these are my goals for the year.

Thank you for writing your blog - you are right, you do inspire others. :)

Penelope Redpene said...

Snoskred, those snack suggestions are great. I hadn't thought of smooze or cereal for snacks.

It looks like we both have similar goals for 2013 in terms of putting ourselves first. I'm calling it #YearPen over on twitter.

Thank you again. xx

Elspeth, what can I say? I miss you too. You hit the nail on my head re my major flaw. I do eat when I want to be numb from pain life etc. unlike drugs it's not something I can just quit. but hopefully I can minimise the damage in the future. *hugs*