The real reason I want to lose weight is so I can wear my wardrobe. I have far more clothes in my collection that don't fit than do.
I dislike my body so much that more often than not I ignore it. I ignore it to the point where I generally don't pay any attention to what other people think of it. To use a turn of phrase from Supernatural, it's just my meat suit. I care far more about what people think of my personality and the way I treat others. I try to be kind. Sometimes I can be a bit harsh, a gentle teasing that's misfired. And I hate when that happens. I get horribly embarrassed when I cause someone else pain.
I digress.
It's a complete mystery is other people will go out of their way to deliberately and maliciously hurt others. To be cruel for nothing more than a few laughs at another expense, or to put someone else down in order to feel better about their own pathetic and miserable existence.
I'm angry.
Not long after I finished my Personal Training session, walking along minding my own business, I was abused by a young man who drove past in his car. This isn't the first time it's happened to me. I was informed that I'm a fat slut and I need to exercise/lose weight - AFTER WORKING OUT.
At first, I was upset. To the point of needing to tweet about it and having a little cry. Mr Redpene either saw the tweets or has psychic ability because he called me and pulled me out of the sadness with a huge and wonderful chat.
Now, I don't expect everyone to like me. As a victim of bullying and abuse all throughout my childhood I am fully aware that there are people who won't take a shine to me. But I finished school in the 1990s and I have no patience for this kind of appalling behaviour. There is no excuse for it.
How dare a random, that doesn't know me at all, doesn't know the struggles I deal with daily, doesn't know I wallow in a pit of depression, doesn't know I hate the lardy layers and am actively working to misplace, have the audacity to tell me I'm a fat slut? How does the fact I'm overweight impact their life? Did I OFFEND THEIR VIEW for 3 seconds? Did the unexpected sight of a fatty in workout clothes confuse them? I don't have the answers. Regardless, it's really none of their business what my body is like and ultimately their moment of taunting will be long forgotten by them before my wound has healed.
I don't need you to tell me I'm fat. Keep your god-damned mean-spirited opinions to yourself. Share them with your shrink. If you're unhappy with your life don't take it out on me.
I want to change my body for myself. Not because society and those stupid magazines says I have to be size x. I just want to wear my pretty clothes.
Wednesday 9 January 2013
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Choose to ignore them, be the woman you are and make decisions to suit yourself.
I have lost a lot of weight within the last few years and was actually shocked at the different way society dealt with me, as a 'normal' sized person. I gradually put on the weight over 20 years, so didn't notice society changing against me, but I lost the weight over an 18 month period and there was a definite change in how strangers dealt with me and interacted with me.
As a tall male Society is much more accepting of me being overweight than it is for a woman.
Ignore the idiots and do things that you want to do for you. Be strong.
Thank you :)
Through no real change on my part, I'm lucky to say it's been a very very long time since I've had this happen to me. That said, although that last incident was over 10 years ago, I still remember it regularly, and it still hurts.
But you know what? Fuck those guys. I'm better than them and so are you. I've started exercising and eating healthily again, and in the list of reasons for that 'pleasing random assholes on the street' doesn't even factor.
Like you, I'd just like to be able to wear nice, well-fitting clothes again.
I've been on the receiving end of drive-by abuse, albeit based on my colouring rather than my body shape.
I usually only get judged for my body shape in the gym. Usually when I want to use the squat rack, or a bar for deadlifts.
Admittedly, my physique is not your usual long-term lifter physique. I look like a pillow, not like a compressed spring. I'm also usually the only girl there.
It still makes me angry. 5 years of intermittent bed rest, and I'd like to see how their waistline holds up, the bastards.
The world is full of mean, small minded, nasty people. Some days I'm too thin skinned for my own good.
Remembering that such idiots are, well, idiots, and not deserving of my time or emotional energy is hard.
Fuck 'em. Wankers.
You, Pen, are a beautiful, wonderful woman. Yes, your body is not the temple of your soul you want it to be - yet. But you are making an effort, you are moving towards your goals. You are strong enough to get past this. I believe in you - and I know you a lot better than some random on the street.
Shallow people with no self-esteem that have no joy in their own lives so need to destroy others to express their misery.
Ignore them and know you're more loved, respected and admired by others than they are, and have comfort in the fact that you have more respect your physical, emotional and social self thasn they do.
Karma, retribution, whatever. People like this are too stupid to realise that life is dishing them up exactly what they deserve.
Post a Comment